am mending a broken heart..

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when you thought he was the one and were flying high in the sky of love and utter happiness,

the truth hit u so hard that u came crashing down on the ground of sorrow and hopelessness

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when you thought you were the one and blissfully dancing on the floor of glory and enjoying the limelight, you were pushed roughly by another dancer and you stumbled hard on the floor of devastation

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it hurts... it really hurts...

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jalan kerja jalan kerja

Will be away for a few days again... I love travelling, yes, but love it most when it is for leisure.. Bila pergi sana pergi sini sebab kerja, or my 'career project' to be exact, memang memenatkan.. But don't get me wrong... I am not whining.. I learn quite a lot from my travelling.. And most importantly meet new people.. Cuma my schedule selalu packed. Zoom sana zoom sini.. Memang memenatkan... But you gain some you lose some kan? Nevertheless, I'm ready for the next adventure.

small treat... BIG love...

For the past few weeks, despite my busy schedule, I managed to visit my favourite boutique. And everytime I went there I would bag at least a piece of blouse. Have been spending hundreds of ringgit for myself. I felt bad actually... I realised that I've been quite selfish. It is time to buy stuff for my parents pulak... hmm.. the last time I bought things for them was last raya! See! I've told you I've been selfish!!! Shame on me...

So, tonight, (it was rather an impromptu planning) right after maghrib, I asked my parents to get dressed. On the way to Jusco, I asked them to think of the stuff that they wanted to buy, be it handbags, shoes, pants, shirts, whatever... things that I can afford la.... hehe..

I had fun shopping with them. We seldom do this nowadays. I'm always running here and there with my endless activities and god-knows-what. Mak and Abah are always at home taking care of my nephews and niece. Indisputably they deserve this small treat from me tonight.

There were like rows and more rows of handbags. some were cheap but low quality, some were amazingly beautifully but expensive and others just nice and reasonable. Mak wanted a brown handbag this time (she has quite a collection of colourful handbags and they match her shoes!)After browsing from one row to another, mak finally decided on this greyish brown handbag. Simple but very elegant looking. Price: reasonable. Then I asked her which of her shoes matches this handbag. She just smiled and said "Mak mana ada kasut warna brown. kena la beli satu!" Hahaha.. that's mak. So I led her to the shoes area. This task was even more difficult because greyish brown is not a common colour. But with some determination (che wah!) we finally found one. I paid for both stuff and mak was grinning ear to ear. I felt good!

Then, it was abah's turn. At first he said he didn't want anything, but I know abah very well. He just needed a little coaxing. I took him to the men's department. I had decided to buy him a nice short sleeves shirt that can be worn in both casual and formal occasions. Buying things for abah was a bit easier. He wasn't very fussy, at least not tonight. We landed on this handsome green and brown stripes shirt. Perfect size. Abah would look ten years younger in it! hehe..

We left Jusco feeling happy and good. Naaaah, it was more than good.. It felt great! :D

spoooooooky!

It happened yesterday...

I was exhausted. I went to places almost every weekend and this particular one I had to work on saturday. Just my luck. I got home around 2pm. Then, after refreshing myself I started checking my emails. Yup, after almost 2 weeks without being 'connected', I am now back in this net world. So, it took me quite a while to check all my emails. Since I didn't want to be disturbed by my nephews (they like to play in my room), I locked the door. I was all alone. Just me and my laptop. The tv was off. I seldom listen to the radio. Just the sound of the cool air coming out from my air conditioner (yup, it needs to be serviced). After what seemed like one and a half hour, I then decided to have my forty winks. I had an appointment at 5, so a nap would refresh me. The room was quiet. I was flying high in the dreamland. My soul was being sucked deeper and deeper to the unknown. Suddenly, I heard a click and..

"Yeah, kita bersama dengan artis yang seterusnya, Hattan dengan lagunya Cinta Si Rama-rama"

The TV was switched on! I woke up instantly! Looked around me. I was trying to find my nephews. Did they come in while I was sleeping? I didn't see them. I stared at Hattan. He was starting to sing his new number. I walked slowly to the attached bathroom. No one was there. Who switched on the idiot box? I stared at the door. It was shut closed. Wait a minute! I had locked the door! No one could enter my room without me opening it. So.... who switched on the tv? Because it is quite an old tv, the remote controller doesn't work anymore. I had thrown it away yearssssssss ago. I have to press the button on the tube to switch it on. I stared at the screen. My favourite band, Meet Uncle Hussein was singing 'Lagu Untukmu' now. It was a live telecast program called HITS from TV1. I knew this program but had never watched it before. I listened feelinglessly to MUH. I was still baffled. Who switched on the tv? Was I scared? No. Did my heart beat fast? No. I was just...... confused!

It doesn't make sense. I'm still wondering until today, what triggered the tube. How did it self-activate itself? When I told my parents this morning, Mak went quiet while Abah continued eating his breakfast.
After like 5 minutes...

Mak: Sebab kamu banyak sangat berjalan sana sini. Pastu kadang2 balik sampai lewat malam.. Mungkin ada yg mengikut.

Abah: Ish, ngarut je.. Entah-entah memang kamu dah on tv tu.

Me: ok bah, kalau ter'on' pun, kenapa after about 2 hours baru gambar dia keluar?

Silence.

Then I gathered the plates and mugs and washed the dishes.

It remains a mystery...

internetless

Arrrgggghhh... Tensionnya! Tensionnya! Internet di rumah problem. Struck by lightning I supposed. I was away for a week - had great time in Johor and Sabah. Rasa-rasanya I had switched off my internet before I left the house... Hmm.. I suspected it was my brother who switched it on and forgot to off it later... or... maybe it was me... after all I am quite absent-minded... not fair to put the blame on my brother kan? hmmm......

I had called the installation company for numerous times, but they gave me their ever-famous lame excuse - "our technicians are very busy" :P bengangnye!

Sure hope they will come today... or I will burn their company down! :/ grrrr....

tak cool ke?

I watch Malay movies. I watch Malay dramas. I listen to Malay songs. Tak cool ke kalau I associate myself dgn malay stuff?

I hung out with this girl the other day. It wasn't the first time we hung out together eventhough we don't do it often enough. Anyway, this friend of mine had gone to the US a few times. so, bila cakap pun ada accent sana la skit... tapi, lantak dia la kan... Eventhough my pronunciation is very malaysian, everybody in this country still understands me kan? Lainlah kalau I tinggal kat NZ ke, jadi warga Uncle Sam ke, jadi ozzie ke...

Anyway, sometimes I ajak dia tengok wayang.. Syarat dia, bukan cerita melayu. Kekadang bila sembang pasal some malay dramas kat TV, dia mmg tak tau pape coz dia tak tengok. I dont think she has any liking on the malay singers or actors jugak... The thing is, SHE IS A MALAY!!! Ok, fine.. Memang la tak sume citer melayu bagus kan? I mean pilihlah yg berkualiti sikit like Yasmin Ahmad's and Kabir Baktiar's. Kerja diorang memang indisputably superb and beautiful. In fact there are more talented young directors blooming nowadays. Surprisingly, I enjoyed 'Selamat Pagi Cinta' more than 'The Day The Earth Stood Still' (Harap muka Keanu Reeves je hensem! Hampeih!). And there are also some Malay dramas yang very moving like 'Pondok Buruk' and others that I can't recall the titles. There are heaps of funny ones too like 'Sinderella', 'Rona Roni Makaroni'. Eventhough they are not that excellent, they are entertaining enough for you to remain glued on the screen.

Oh, and I just love Anuar Zain's songs, am mystified by Meet Uncle Hussein, spellbounded by M. Nasir and I really enjoy listening to Aizat, Estranged and Siti Nurhaliza. I believe they are all marvellous! Well, at least to my ears..!

To me... kalau Melayu tak sokong Melayu, sape lagi? Kita punyalah mengagung-agungkan product barat, diorang kenal kita pun tidak, apa lagi nak beli cd penyanyi kita or tengok wayang cerita kita. Tak mungkin...

So, Melayu kenalah sokong Melayu kan? Malaysians kenalah sokong Malaysians kan?

Apa, tak cool ke?

dumbfounded

F is sick. He's a good friend of mine and he's sick. He got dengue. He was admitted since monday. He didn't even tell me! I dont know why...

When I got back from kelantan (before I got really sick), I called him. I had been thinking about him for a couple of weeks. Had meant to call him and ask him how he was doing much earlier but work always got in the way. The last time I met him was during raya in september. After that we were supposed to dine together. He promised to treat me steamboat at Johnny's, but we never got around to that. F and I, well.... we are not romantically involved.. but.. I don't know... He can be awfully annoying at times but he's a good man. I like to bully him and he let me. I guess he finds me annoying as well.. hehehe.. Despite the irritation, we tolerate each other. I remember when Acheh was hit by the tsunami, I wanted to go and help the victims. I was this close of signing up my name but he didn't let me. It wasn't that I asked for his permission. I only told him about my intention but he was really opposed to it. He said don't ask him why but he didn't want me to go. I refused to listen to him at first and that led us to a big raw. He claimed that I always underestimated him, that his say, his words were never good enough for me. According to him, I did not treat him fairly and I was a stuck up bit*h (well he used nicer words actually but the meaning is just the same!). We were not in speaking terms for months. But I didn't go to Acheh, and after a while we were back being friends and understood each other more.. Maybe that is why he always has this special place in my world.

So I called him last friday to have breakfast with me.. In a way I missed him. He was home and was busy preparing the house for his sister's enggagement, thus declined for a short break with me. I would have to find time to drag him to have food with me one of these days. That was what I had in mind. So, I got a shock of my life when our friend, P, told me about his illness. I called him this morning, he refused to answer. I couldn't visit him earlier for I had a meeting in Taiping. I planned to see him at the hospital tonite. I would drop by and get fruits, biscuits and some magazines for him. Such was my plan and I was sure he would like it. Furthermore, P who had visited him told me that F was asking when would I go and visit him. I was pleased to hear that.

Thus, on the way back from Taiping, I called him. Still no answer. I sent him a text then, asking him to hang in there, to take his medicine and that I would be visiting him soon. His reply was like a cut in my heart. He asked me not to visit him, that he was really sick and didn't have the energy to 'layan' me. I replied I didn't care. I didn't expect him to layan me and I was still visiting him whether he liked it or not. The second reply was a real blow. It cut really deep, tearing my heart into pieces. He pleaded me not to come. He was really sick and needed his rest. He wrote 'kalau kau datang jugak, memang aku menyesal'. He would regret it if I came! I am worried sick about him but he doesn't want me to be there! It took me a while before I replied to his text. I kept on asking myself, what happened? What did I do wrong? I was just a friend who wanted to see another sick friend. Why was it ok for others to visit him but not me? I thought P said he was expecting me? I was baffled. Perplexed. Be cool, Oren. Be rational. Maybe he doesn't want you to see him in that condition. Maybe he is embarrased. Even you couldn't look at yourself in the mirror when you were sick! He needs his rest. He wants you to understand that. Respect his wishes, Oren. Make him happy even if it means you are not.

F, I'm sorry for not being allowed to visit you. I want you to get well. I need you to be back on your feet again. I want us to dine at Johnny's like we have planned. I'll be waiting for that day..