forbidden love.... part one

I am falling for a married man!

I met him about 6 years ago during a course. I had heard about him before but had never met him in person. I knew he was attending the course too, so, I took his number from a friend for I knew I might need his help to find my way. True enough, I was lost. And he was really nice and helpful. It was a three days and 2 nights course. We didnt say a word to each other during the course for there were so many people and it felt inapropriate. The last nite we were there, he asked me to dine with him. It was a very memorable dinner and I could still replay the whole thing vivdly in my mind! No, we didnt have it at a fancy restaurant or eat an expensive meal. It was simple, but we talked and talked and talked till late hours. He was a man with lots of experiences and I just loved listening to his stories.

We continued contacting each other after that. When he came to Ipoh, we would have coffee together. If I went to KL, we would dine together. He was a charming man. There was this one time when he was already on his way back to KL from his kampung in Lumut, but because I wanted to talk to him, he pulled the handbrake and came to Ipoh. When I was attending a one week course in KL and didnt have a car to move about, he trusted me with his. This beautiful bond between us continued for almost a year. I was starting to fall for him then eventhough I knew he was taken. I remember this one time when I went to KL for Raya shopping and we met to break fast at KLCC. Surprisingly, we both wore brown top and pants. The dinner was superbly delicious, errr.. he looked delicious too!!! hehe... We talked and talked and talked.. I guess we just loved talking and liked each other's company. When we wanted to go home, the rain had just started pouring down. We ran to his car (he parked outside of KLCC) in the rain. Adus, macam citer hindustan, boleh?? huhu..! In his car I asked him about us and whether his other half knew about our meetings. He assured me that I had nothing to worry about. The truth is, he never said THE 3 words to me but he always made me feel special. So, the relationship was not official. I kept asking myself: Do I want to make it official? Do I want to interfere with the life he has built with this woman who knew him before me. Am I ready to be called the Bitch? And the anwer was NO. Slowly, I close down the connecting bridge between us... Less phone calls and sms and almost no meeting at all. Some how he understood and he obliged.

I stopped thinking about him. Stopped fantasizing him. Stopped dreaming of him.

Until recently....

not too obsessed

Alamak... Obsessed shouldnt be shown on cinema la... It is more like an HBO movie je... It was not terribly boring but just ok. That's how to describe it.. just OK. Or could it be because I expected a lot from Beyonce? I bet it wont hit the box office...

To marry or not to marry...

Received a call from a dear friend. She was in a dilemma. She had a boyfriend, a married man. They had been seeing each other for nearly a year. My friend believed it was time to tie a knot. She didn't want to wait anymore for she was not getting any younger. She did not mind to become the second wife. So, the boyfriend told his wife of his intention and wanted her blessing. The answer was a big NO. He sadly brought the news to my friend and begged his girlfriend to let things be as they are. No string attached but no doubt the LOVE is there. As a woman, my friend couldnt just live on love and being somebody's secret lover. She felt her boyfriend did not try hard enough to get his wife's blessing. She was devastated. Tension was building up. She didnt want to break up but she needed to break away for a while. And while doing that, she met her chatting friend. They saw each other for coffee twice. And they hit it off. He didnt waste any time. He proposed. Unfortunately, he also had a wedding band on his finger. my friend refused to give any answer before he got the blessing from his wife. He did as told. And got the blessing after much persuasion and argument. But my friend was still indecisive. She still loved the first boyfriend and she felt she was moving too fast with the second bf. However whe knew the first couldnt give her the title that she wanted whereas the second seemed very serious to make her his.

She called me with this dilemma and asked for advice. Well, I was no expert but I believe both of the men are not good enough for her. she deserves someone better. My reason was: The first one was obviously selfish. He wanted a wife at home and a girlfriend outside. Typical male species! I dont see any point of being in the relationship that is lopesided. The second one was too gelojoh. Plus, he didnt make much, hence was actually unable to give ample 'nafkah zahir'. He said, he could only give around RM200 monthly to my friend if they were married. The rest, my friend who earned more, had to endure on her own. I have this belief that, when you are married, your life should be upgraded, not, downgraded. Money is not everything, but everything is money. Yes, I may sound materialistic but I am being realistic.

So, I asked her to take her time before making any decision. She must get to know the second bf well enough before saying I do. The most important thing, she must be ready to change her life completely! She must be ready not to compare herself with other wives whose husband can afford to buy things for them, but my friend has to buy things for herself. But, actually what I fear the most is that the second bf might want to live on HER money. It happens everywhere nowadays. Honestly, I didnt help her much... like I said, I am no expert.

lean on me...

I had never watched 'LEAN ON ME'. I knew it was a good movie. Well, almost all Morgan Freeman's movies are good and worth watching. So, today, while I was browsing the movies on Astro, I saw that particular title queeing up for the next show. Got all my house chores done and then I was ready in front of the tube.

It was a very moving story. I was overwhelmed by the determination of Mr. Joe Clark (Freeman) as the principal to change his school and his students for the betterment no matter what the obstacles were. I cried watching the movie, boleh??? hehe.. semakin tua semakin vulnerable and touchy lah... hmm....

Anyway, below is one of Clark's brilliant speeches which I got from one of the websites:

Next time it may be you. If you do no better than they did (referring to the students cum gangsters and drug dealers who were just being expelled) , next time it will be you. They said this school was dead, like the cemetery it's built on. But we call our East Side teams "ghosts," don't we? And what are ghosts? Ghosts are spirits that rise from the dead. I want you to be my ghosts. You are going to lead our resurrection by defying the expectation that all of us are doomed to failure.
My motto is simple: If you do not succeed in life, I don't want you to blame your parents. I don't want you to blame the white man! I want you to blame yourselves! The responsibility is yours!!
In two weeks we have a practice exam and a minimum basic skills test on April 13th. That's a hundred and ten school days from now. But it's not just about those test scores. If you do not have these basic skills, you will find yourselves locked out! Locked out of that American Dream that you see advertised on TV -- that they tell you is so easy to get.

You are here for one reason -- one reason only: To learn, to work for what you want. The alternative is to waste your time and to fall into the trap of crime, drugs, and death. Does everyone understand that? Do all of you understand me?! Then welcome to the new East Side High!

bursts of laughter

I woke up feeling great and grateful to God for still breathing and having my heart beating. My numbers are adding up but I'm ok with it.. really! ;D

I drove to work knowing it was going to be a great day and I was right. Everybody at work not only wished me Happy Birthday, but they also sang me the song! I was overwhelmed! I smiled and laughed the whole day. Since they knew I love cheesecake very much, I received 5 slices of different cheesecake, boxes of chocolates (yeah, they are really good at making me grow bigger and bigger!), an organiser (which I appreciate very much coz my old one only has a few pages left) and some cards. Then I spent a couple of hours thanking each friend who sent me wishes through Facebook and sms.

Later in the evening, my friends picked me up for my 'burst'day dinner. We went to this new restaurant and ordered heaps od food! Boleh bagi makan satu kampung! We ate and talked and ate and bitched about stuff and laughed. It was good to be with dear friends on this special day.

I spent my 'burstday'day with bursts of laughter with smashing buddies... I feel great and blessed!

the eve...

My birthday is tomorrow... It falls on Saturday this year, so, I should be going out celebrate with friends tonite right? But I have to go to work tomorrow! Darn! So, what did i do tonite? Just a quiet and simple dinner with a friend whose birthday is today. Actually we had planned to celebrate our birthdays for years, but never seemed to find the chance to do so. Entah mcam mana, tetiba malam ni boths of us were free. So, we went out just now.. had dinner at SR. Because we had not seen each other for quite some time, we ate less but talked and talked and talked till we were the last one to leave the restaurant. It wasn't that late actually, but SR closes at 10pm. Then we headed home. That was all... hmm....

want the NEW thing...

I have to find a new interest la... a new hobby perhaps... a new love... a new life... I dont care what or who but it has to be new! I'm becoming more and more bored with almost everything.. I am somehow losing the excitement in everything.. Life has become a routine, thus I procrastinate more and more.. Life has become mundane, thus I enjoy it less and less... Nowadays I spend more time indoor than outdoor... spend more time staring at the PC screen than going out with friends.. spend more time with the idiot box than have good cups of coffee with buddies... Pathetic... Unhealthy... Sucks!

Change I must... Enjoy life more I should... Be happier I will..!!!

First, need to find that 'new' thing... what could it be? what would I want it to be? hmmm.....