Received a call from a dear friend. She was in a dilemma. She had a boyfriend, a married man. They had been seeing each other for nearly a year. My friend believed it was time to tie a knot. She didn't want to wait anymore for she was not getting any younger. She did not mind to become the second wife. So, the boyfriend told his wife of his intention and wanted her blessing. The answer was a big NO. He sadly brought the news to my friend and begged his girlfriend to let things be as they are. No string attached but no doubt the LOVE is there. As a woman, my friend couldnt just live on love and being somebody's secret lover. She felt her boyfriend did not try hard enough to get his wife's blessing. She was devastated. Tension was building up. She didnt want to break up but she needed to break away for a while. And while doing that, she met her chatting friend. They saw each other for coffee twice. And they hit it off. He didnt waste any time. He proposed. Unfortunately, he also had a wedding band on his finger. my friend refused to give any answer before he got the blessing from his wife. He did as told. And got the blessing after much persuasion and argument. But my friend was still indecisive. She still loved the first boyfriend and she felt she was moving too fast with the second bf. However whe knew the first couldnt give her the title that she wanted whereas the second seemed very serious to make her his.
She called me with this dilemma and asked for advice. Well, I was no expert but I believe both of the men are not good enough for her. she deserves someone better. My reason was: The first one was obviously selfish. He wanted a wife at home and a girlfriend outside. Typical male species! I dont see any point of being in the relationship that is lopesided. The second one was too gelojoh. Plus, he didnt make much, hence was actually unable to give ample 'nafkah zahir'. He said, he could only give around RM200 monthly to my friend if they were married. The rest, my friend who earned more, had to endure on her own. I have this belief that, when you are married, your life should be upgraded, not, downgraded. Money is not everything, but everything is money. Yes, I may sound materialistic but I am being realistic.
So, I asked her to take her time before making any decision. She must get to know the second bf well enough before saying I do. The most important thing, she must be ready to change her life completely! She must be ready not to compare herself with other wives whose husband can afford to buy things for them, but my friend has to buy things for herself. But, actually what I fear the most is that the second bf might want to live on HER money. It happens everywhere nowadays. Honestly, I didnt help her much... like I said, I am no expert.
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