Hmmm... Banyak giler nak story kat sini.. Yelah, dah dekat sebulan tak update blog.. I was in a daze like for a week or two, then on adrenaline the next 10 days... Baru hari ni betul-betul ada masa dan ada mood nak menulis... Now, where to start ye?
Yeah.. My career project.. Nope.. I didnt get it.. Yup. It slipped away from my hand... I was ok at first when they told me the news. I just smiled and said that it was just not my rezeki and I would move on. But when friends and more friends kept on asking me what happened, why I didnt get it, why si polan si polan yg dapat when it was supposed to be mine, I just couldnt handle it. I broke down. I hated it! I hate being weak or seen weak. But I am only human. I hate crying in front of people but I did that day. Twice, boleh??? The next few days I kept on asking myself and God too, what did I do wrong. I worked hard for it. I didnt use dirty tricks to get it. And I used the right channel. So, why those who are less industrious, incredibly dirty and shamelessly cunning got the job that I wanted? Well, the answer is right there! because they are awfully dirty and outrageously cunning! Hmm... I wanted to use more filthy words here but... Hei, it's their rezeki kan... Itu yang tersurat...
Anyway, as I said earlier I was lost for more than a week. It was hard for me to face people especially those who got the jobs (more than one job were up for grabs actually). I had a plastic smile plastered on my face when I was actually hurting inside. No, I didnt want to be friendly with them, but I had to. No, I didnt want to shake hands with them, but I did it anyway. No, I didnt want to congratulate them but I said it without stuttering. I became numb after that... GP (the one who broke my heart - will talk more about him in one of the entries) tried to console me... He failed at first.. Then he gave me these inspiring profound words:
'Sun Yat Sen failed 10 times and only succeeded during 11th attempt to become the president in modern China.'
'Few people travel the road to success without a puncture or two.'
'The rung of a ladder is never meant to be rested upon but to hold a man's foot long enough to enable him to put the other foot somewhat higher'
Those motivating words helped me to move on. Thanx GP! Lagipun I believe God has better plans for me... As I said in my last entry, 'everything happens for a reason'... oh, and I thank the author of the book 'Setengah Berisi Setengah Kosong' too.. The book taught me a lot in looking at life positively.
So, here I am today, holding my head high and am giving everybody a sincere smile while taking big steps forward. It's a fruitful life and I'm savouring it...
2 comments:
when you put 100% effort, and everything else to get something, and when it didnt materialized - u tend to react badly : that shows you are human!
so, pick yourself up again, push away bitterness and grudge, be sincere and go thru it, insyaallah, one fine day, you'll be on the other side.
thanx angel.. that helps a lot.. can't say i'm fully recovered coz i'm just human. i'm still teaching myself to forget everything and be positive with every stride that i take... u r right.. my turn will come.. someday somehow.. insyaallah... ;D
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