Me and BB

'Once bitten twice shy'. Twice bitten? It shows how gullible you are. Three times bitten? You are a bloody fool! And that's me! A bloody fool. Gosh, I don't know why, but I keep on making the same mistakes! Is it because I am too forgiving? Or I put friendship above all? Or I always expect too much from people and end up feeling bereft? Or I am just merely a fool? I will let the world to be the judge. This is how my story goes..

I've known BB for 4-5 years now. There was something about him that made me hooked on him from the very moment we met. We got along pretty well. At one time I fell foolishly in love with him. But we ended up as close friends which was ok with me. Really! Nevertheless, it wasn't easy to be his friend. God knows how many times I cried for the misery he caused me. He announced to the world that I was his bestest friend! Me? As much as I loved him I wanted to run away but failed every time. Just like the song sung by I-dont-remember-who "I wanna walk but I run back to you. That's why I hate myself for loving you!" Maybe because he could be an angel at times.

Anyway, one day I was in deep shit. Financial shit! He was quite well off and people always asked for his aid. I had never asked him for a cent except for that time. He agreed to help me. And I waited. And I waited. And I called. Then I texted him. He was MIA. Vanished! Feeling cheated I turned to another source. And I survived from that shit. I felt devastated. When I needed him the most, he disappeared! And that wasn't the first time actually.. I then learnt to live without him. Life was good after that. I met new people, enjoyed new crowd. Three months later, he knocked on my door. He said he was sorry. He explained that he did try to help me but it caused him his job. That was why he made himself invisible. But he could have told me that earlier right? And I should have slammed the door on his face right? But no! He once again became a part of my world! Yeah the word 'loser' was vividly engraved on my forehead!

He got married not long after that. I helped him with the arrangement. Things that he should discuss with his future wife, he discussed with me! I told him that after he said 'I do', our friendship should end there. I didn't want a green-eyed wife to call me in the middle of the night! But neither happened. The friendship continued and the wife seemed to understand this platonic tie that I had with the husband. Well, he did change a little bit. Not so much misery anymore to be his friend..until last 2 months. I was starting on a career project. And to boost it up, I needed some financial help. He VOLUNTEERED to help me! I DID NOT ASK HIM! He promised to give me an amount of money. Boy, was I relieved! When the time came, I called him to collect his words. He promised to see me that weekend. But he was nowhere to be seen. A week later, I texted him. No reply. Followed by a phone call. No answer. More texting. He said he was in another continent with his lovely wife. Promised to meet me the following weekend. Another bullshit! And up to now, I heard nothing from him. Before, he would call me at least once a month, but two months have passed by without his call nor his financial aid. I was in despair. But life goes on. Now with my own will, I am surviving the financial difficulty. My career project is still on the run. Money is still a problem but I'll manage it myself. Please don't get me wrong. It is not the money that made me mad. He made me a promise. He gave me his words and I hung on to each of those words. He could just call me and admit that he has no money to give and I'll be fine. That is all I need. He admitting that he is incapable of helping me rather that leaving me with false hopes.

I've been visualising how our encounter would be when he had come to his senses and remembered this friend of his. I've been drafting scripts on what to say to him. I've been plotting dramatic scenes that would leave him down on his knees, crying and begging for my forgiveness.
But, the real truth is I don't want to see him again. I don't want to have anything to do with him anymore. I don't want to move from Loser to PATHETIC LOSER. I wish him well with his wife. I don't want him to be in my life anymore. No more! I am saying good bye...